by Andre Yeo
The New Paper, Feb 27, 2009
Mum says: Kids are doing well
Dad says: Kid failing subjects
MY WIFE'S lesbian relationship with another woman killed our marriage.
And it is now affecting our three children.
That is a husband's claim in divorce proceedings being heard by the courts.
His wife does not dispute that she is a lesbian.
But she accuses him of being abusive and committing a crime by allegedly hacking into her computer to retrieve intimate e-mails between her and her lover, which she says he's now using against her in their divorce proceedings.
Messy divorces are not uncommon in Singapore.
But when a spouse's sexual orientation is a bone of contention, things can get more complicated.
This is the second such case in recent months.
Last month, The New Paper ran a report on a woman who was divorcing her bisexual husband. They had filed for divorce in 2007 and their case was settled last year.
In the latest case, the couple also filed for divorce in 2007.
We are calling the Singaporean couple Jane and Tim. They cannot be named because they have a son and two daughters who are all below 16, and their case is currently before the Family Court.
Jane is asking for a monthly maintenance of $1,500 for the kids.
Tim said with the current economic crisis, he can only afford between $750 and $1,500 a month depending on his monthly income, which was flexible.
She is also asking for interim care and control of the kids which Tim is contesting.
According to court papers, Jane claimed she had left Tim as he was abusive.
She acknowledged her sexual orientation in court documents, saying she knew her lover, Mary (not her real name), before she and Tim got married in 1990.
She argued that it was not unlawful to not tell Tim that she was a lesbian.
She said: 'I willingly gave up my relationship with (Mary) in order to settle down with a genuine desire to have children, and to be a good wife and mother.'
'Immoral'
But now that the couple are separated and the kids are living with Jane, Tim was concerned that her gay lifestyle would affect the moral welfare of his children.
Rebutting these concerns, Jane argued there was no evidence to show that lesbian women would raise gay children.
She said: 'My sexual preference has no bearing on whether or not I am a good mother.'
But Tim argued that his kids would be affected, especially after he found out that Mary had bought a ring for his wife, who treated it like a wedding ring.
Tim accused her of leading a double life - taking her children to church but yet leading an immoral life as a lesbian.
She said the kids would understand that a 'homosexual lifestyle is not a norm because the majority are not homosexual'.
She added that her relationship with Mary was very discreet and they had always behaved appropriately in front of her kids.
Mary, who was also married, has since separated from her husband.
Jane acknowledged she knew Mary before she met her husband, whom she described as being hot-tempered, often using vulgarities in front of their kids and being absent on family outings.
She also claimed Tim had threatened Mary before.
Jane claimed that since her children moved out of the matrimonial home, they had flourished away from their father who had also allegedly beaten their son.
Tim countered that since the separation, their son had passed only three out of eight subjects in school and accused her of not taking an interest in their son's studies.
They are now living at a rented property nearby.
Explicit
Turning to his affidavit, Jane said that details in those documents had been obtained through him planting spyware in her computer, then stealing her personal passwords to access her private account.
Tim's affidavit listed excerpts of e-mail correspondence between the two women, some of which were of an explicit nature.
It listed their sexual trysts when they went on holiday to Japan in 2007.
Tim claimed it was supposed to be a family holiday but Jane changed her plans and went with Mary instead.
He said when she returned from the trip, her behaviour had changed and she suddenly wrote him a note saying she wanted a divorce and listed her terms.
Jane said she had made a police report against him last June for allegedly hacking into her computer.
Tim denied it, saying he had stumbled upon those e-mails.
Another issue of contention was money.
The couple's three kids were conceived through in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) and Jane claimed Tim had not contributed much to her treatments, which could cost $8,000 per procedure.
She went through three treatments between 1992 and 1997.
Tim was slighted by her claims that he had not contributed towards her IVF treatments.
In his affidavit, he said: 'That's absurd. I have certainly contributed my sperm, without which the plaintiff cannot conceive at all.'
The court will decide on custody and maintenance at a later date.
Source: The Straits Times
Copyright Singapore Press Holdings Ltd. Permission required for reproduction.
Tags: Family, Relationships, The New Paper, Women